I love black thongs
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
