we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
