The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
