Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
