yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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