i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
