Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
