he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
