I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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