if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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