I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
