matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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