oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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