Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
