There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He did a backflip because drugs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
