there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
