i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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