A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
