Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
