just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's never too late to be topless.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
