You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
