You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
