Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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