My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
