Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish my penis had a tongue
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
