she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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