Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
