Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
