as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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