The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
