well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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