My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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