First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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