When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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