How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
