Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
