I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My life is pants optional.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
