She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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