I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
