And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
