some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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