new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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