I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
