Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
