All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
