Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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