At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
