I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
