Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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