Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
