now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
