I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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