Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
