hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
