You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
