There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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